"I Ruined Your Prom"
by Robert Felker
as performed in the Suspicious Clowns' second show (Sept - Oct 2002)
and Suspicious Clowns 8 (Nov - Dec 2005)
Robert Felker/Suspicious Clowns

 

Alex, a son, gay but not effeminate (Scott Munn in SC2; Kyle Ramos in SC8)
Dad, a dad, easily upset. Cries a lot (Robert Felker in both productions)

Alex: I just wana say that it’s really brave of you to come to prom with me.

Dad: Son, I just want you to know that your mother and I love you and support you all the way.

Alex: Thanks dad. Now, I know you never got to go to your prom, so I got you a boutonniere. I figured I’d wear the corsage.

Dad:The what?

Alex: The corsage. The flower that goes on my wrist. You know.

Dad: Oh my God.

Alex: Dad, did you forget the corsage?

Dad: (starting to lose it) Oh my God!

Alex: Dad!

Dad: Oh my God I’m sorry!

Alex: Can we still get one?

Dad: Yeah, yeah, I’ll just go to the…Oh no! It’s past five the florists are closed!
(breaks into inconsolable sobs)

Alex: Dad!

Dad: Ohmygod I’m so sorry! I have no idea what I’m doing! I never went to my prom.

Alex: It’s OK, dad. I’ll think of something.

Dad: It’s not OK. You only have one prom, and I’ve ruined it!

Alex: You haven’t ruined prom. Here, look I’ll just twist one of these fake flowers around my wrist.

Dad: It’s not the same!

Alex: No look, it works. And you bought the fake flowers, so it’s kinda like you bought me a corsage.

Dad: (sniffling) Really?

Alex: Yeah.

Dad: OK.

Alex: Look at you, you better go clean yourself up before the limo gets here.

Dad: I was supposed to hire a limo? (another sobbing fit) Oh Gaaaaaawwwwd!

Alex: Dad you didn’t hire a limo?

Dad: I’m a failure!

Alex: No, Dad.

Dad: I am! I’m ruining your prom. I don’t know what I’m doing. I never dated or anything! I won your mother in a contest!

Alex: Dad, it’s all right, I’ll just…(suddenly realizing what his father has said) you won mom in a contest?

Dad: Yeah. It’s a long story I don’t want to go into it right now.

Alex: OK, well I’m sure Becky and Johnny have room in their limo for us.

Dad: (sniffling) Yeah?

Alex: I’ll just call them up. I’m sure it will be fine.

Dad: You’re sure?

Alex: Yes. Now go upstairs clean up and grab the tickets.

Dad: Tickets?!

 

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