"I Ruined
Your Prom"
by Robert Felker
as performed in the Suspicious
Clowns' second show (Sept - Oct 2002)
and Suspicious Clowns 8 (Nov - Dec 2005)
© Robert Felker/Suspicious Clowns
Alex, a son, gay but not
effeminate (Scott Munn in SC2; Kyle Ramos in SC8)
Dad, a dad, easily upset. Cries a lot (Robert Felker in both productions)
Alex: I just wana say that it’s really brave of you to come to prom with me.
Dad: Son, I just want you to know that your mother and I love you and support you all the way.
Alex: Thanks dad. Now, I know you never got to go to your prom, so I got you a boutonniere. I figured I’d wear the corsage.
Dad:The what?
Alex: The corsage. The flower that goes on my wrist. You know.
Dad: Oh my God.
Alex: Dad, did you forget the corsage?
Dad: (starting to lose it) Oh my God!
Alex: Dad!
Dad: Oh my God I’m sorry!
Alex: Can we still get one?
Dad: Yeah, yeah, I’ll
just go to the…Oh no! It’s past five the florists are
closed!
(breaks
into inconsolable sobs)
Alex: Dad!
Dad: Ohmygod I’m so sorry! I have no idea what I’m doing! I never went to my prom.
Alex: It’s OK, dad. I’ll think of something.
Dad: It’s not OK. You only have one prom, and I’ve ruined it!
Alex: You haven’t ruined prom. Here, look I’ll just twist one of these fake flowers around my wrist.
Dad: It’s not the same!
Alex: No look, it works. And you bought the fake flowers, so it’s kinda like you bought me a corsage.
Dad: (sniffling) Really?
Alex: Yeah.
Dad: OK.
Alex: Look at you, you better go clean yourself up before the limo gets here.
Dad: I was supposed to hire a limo? (another sobbing fit) Oh Gaaaaaawwwwd!
Alex: Dad you didn’t hire a limo?
Dad: I’m a failure!
Alex: No, Dad.
Dad: I am! I’m ruining your prom. I don’t know what I’m doing. I never dated or anything! I won your mother in a contest!
Alex: Dad, it’s all right, I’ll just…(suddenly realizing what his father has said) you won mom in a contest?
Dad: Yeah. It’s a long story I don’t want to go into it right now.
Alex: OK, well I’m sure Becky and Johnny have room in their limo for us.
Dad: (sniffling) Yeah?
Alex: I’ll just call them up. I’m sure it will be fine.
Dad: You’re sure?
Alex: Yes. Now go upstairs clean up and grab the tickets.
Dad: Tickets?!