Poetry & Blindfolds

Last weekend, I was pleased to attend the world premiere of the film “Gless.”  Not only was it wonderful to share a screening room with the cast and crew, but it was interesting to watch the film in its entirety.  “Gless”, shot in grainy black-and-white and containing an arsenal of Final Cut Pro distort effects, is completely committed to its premise of a woman surrounded by a throng of physical and mental ailments.  The director’s choices of rapid-fire edits and distortions (not only of space but of time) are disorienting and seemingly random, yet they completely fit the film. 

The director, a quiet, soft-spoken guy, has a real knack, or unhealthy obsession, for writing for women violently drowning in anguish and pain.  I’m similar in style myself – though I find “my” women in my scripts are overly strong and turn out to be anti-heroes.  The contrast is interesting.

My part in the film, that of the psychiatrist, was small but very exciting to do, due to my scene partner, Angela Jo Strohm, being so natural to play against.  In fact, I remember being quite surprised on how the two of us fell into place when we ran lines off-set before Take 1 of the scene.  Strohm’s a bit of a powerhouse, y’see, and could easily dominate any scene she is in, but I have to credit her with not blowing me out of the water (no hard task to do, considering my lack of acting cred).  Even my wife said I did good in my scenes, which in and of itself is a small miracle.

Lately, my attention has been turning to “The Observatory”, which has found a home in the Charnel House, the same venue I acted in “The Woman in Black” in December 2009.  I like its creepy history (a former funeral home) and unique placement in the middle of Logan Square, my current Chicago neighborhood.  Additionally, I like the owner, a fellow called Billy, who, like me, has produced for years and years, most notably the 1990s mainstay “Cannibal Cheerleaders on Crack.”  So doing another show at his venue feels a little like being home.

“The Observatory” will also be my first show without my favorite usual suspects.  Kyle Ramos has vacated to California to indulge the West Coast with his particular weirdness, and Melissa Malan is about to vacate to California to be an actor.  Those two were highly instrumental in edging me away from sketch comedy and into being a proper playwright.  I’ve still a ways to go, but I couldn’t imagine being this far along if it weren’t for those two.  It’s good to have a group that can disagree whole-heartedly, yet get behind the best decisions, no matter who thought of them.  I will sorely miss their (daily) input.

About 30 days ago, I decided, for the first time, to deliberately start mending my dietary habits as well as re-toning my muscles.  I have not, and no doubt will not, make much of a fuss about it, as there’s nothing worse than the imagined sympathetic voices saying, “well, at least you tried” or, worse, “it’s what’s on the inside that counts”, should I miserably fail.

The reasons behind this decision were manifold:

1. The wife and I were given a Wii, and with that, a Wii Fitness Plus disc.  Thus, embarking on a health-oriented regimen seems logical.

2. I turned 45.

3. Christopher Hitchens suddenly got cancer, instilling in me a dread of mortality (or, at least, another layer of dread of mortality).

4. I got a haircut, which makes my head look slightly more globe-like than it does with normal hair.  I feel like I’m one zig-zagged sweater away from having a run-in with Lucy Van Pelt.

5. My weight is obsessed with plateaus.  For years, I was 145 pounds, then jumped up to 165 pounds, where I stayed for years, until I was suddenly 185 pounds, again for some time, until finally I have landed at 200-210 pounds.  Despite its slow-moving nature, I am not a fan of this bodily trend from Pro-Ana Boy to Michelan Man.

6. I wouldn’t say I dislike my body, but after a shower, I cannot help but look in a mirror and wonder aloud, “Really?”

7. My wife actually likes my body.  But she likes quite a few plus-sized celebrities (Jack Black, for instance) and her liking my body makes me involuntarily queasy.

8. Few women check me out.  I know this is a ridiculous motivation – and, as Number 3 above reveals, the best I could possibly hope for is hanging on to the near-sighted few that still do check me out – but a motivation nonetheless.

On Day One, I weighed in at 204.6 and I was determined to lose 10 pounds in the first 30 days.  My wife joined in as well, though she needn’t lose any weight at all.  In fact, I noticed that her weight gradually diminished, seemingly on its own, over the month; mine would spike and drop like a metabolic Dow Jones Industrial Average.  Yet, I focused on the more positive reasons of losing weight and toning up, and did 60- to 85-minute workouts each day or every other day.  Additionally, I walked a couple miles a day during the week.  I rearranged my diet to include less bread/meat/sugar and more nuts/seeds/yogurt.  This has made me unusually aware of more junky type of food, and I can smell a foot-long Quizno’s sandwich at 50 paces.   

But, yes, finally, at the end of the month, I had achieved a ten-pound weight loss, weighing in at exactly 194.2 pounds. 

And naturally, I’m irritated because my pants are all a little loose now.  It is curious that pants will stretch and expand a little as their owners do, but will not shrink and compress when their owners shrink themselves.  The sugary-sweet devil, who has been murmuring to me all this time while perched on my shoulder, suggests happily that I will no doubt blimp up a bit in time and the pants will fit me AND I’ll get to have breakfasts consisting of three to four bowls of Lucky Charms again.  It’s a reassuring voice, but I am wise enough to seek counsel from the angel on the other shoulder.  Unfortunately, the angel shrugged and said, “I got nothin’.”

So I have decided to ignore them both and set another 10-pound goal for myself over the next 30 days.  Wish me luck, in your own way.  If I do not blog about this again, don’t ask.

In order to fully convey my own position here, I have to disclose the following: when I heard the term ‘Ground Zero Mosque’, my first thought was ‘how dare they!’  Quickly on the heels of this notion were feelings of disdain, the indignation of being insulted, not to mention out-and-out pissed off.

Slowly, the facts revealed themselves to me through a series of articles, editorials and, most importantly, NY-based friends.

• It’s not a mosque, it’s a community center (“Park51”).
• It’s not at Ground Zero, nor can it be seen from Ground Zero.
• Park51 is to be built in a building that used to house a Burlington Coat Factory, but which has been abandoned for nearly a decade.
• Other buildings just as close or closer to Ground Zero as Park51 include: a place for off-track betting, McDonald’s, Burger King, Dunkin Donuts, a Vitamin Shoppe, and the famous New York Dolls Gentleman’s Club.
• The fellow behind Park51, Imam Feisal Abdul Rauf, is a noted advocate for religious tolerance and has been supported and funded by both the Bush and Obama Administrations to promote religious tolerance in potential “hot spots” all over the world.
• The same fellow was invited to and spoke at the memorial service for Daniel Pearl, the journalist who was executed by Islamic extremists in Pakistan.

Even as the facts came rolling in slowly, a few other ideas re-introduced themselves to me:

• The US is proud of its freedoms, including freedom of religion and expression, two things that are purposefully absent in intolerant and disrespectful countries.
• Osama bin Laden, who, as far as I know, is not investing in Park51, has gone on record numerous times advocating no tolerance of other beliefs, including any attempt at creating societies with co-existing belief systems. 

And, finally, from my fellow satirists, both known and unknown, came a series of joke articles that helped inch the proposition well into perspective.  The texts of these articles are, happily, neatly summed up in their titles:

• “Protest Over Mall to be Built Near Native American Hallowed Ground”
• “Furor Over Church to be Built Near Day-Care Center”
• “Outrage Over Plans to Build Library Next to Sarah Palin”

Taking all of the above in (and the above barely scratches the surface; see links below for more insightful information), there’s no way I could find myself in opposition to Park51.  Sure, I am not a fan of religion or its practices, but I am less a fan of censorship, xenophobia, bigotry and willful ignorance.

I look forward to my next sojourn to NYC when Park51 is complete.  I will no doubt want to go there, do some shopping and play some basketball.  And, kids, this is the most important bit: the terrorists won’t win.

Really good links:

“Taking Bin Laden’s Side” by Nicholas Kristof, New York Times [http://www.nytimes.com/2010/08/22/opinion/22kristof.html?src=me&ref=general]

“How FOX Betrayed Petraeus” by Frank Rich, New York Times [http://www.nytimes.com/2010/08/22/opinion/22rich.html]

“Three Reasons the Ground Zero Mosque Debate Makes No Sense”, by a writer for Cracked.com [mirror link: http://aznor99.wordpress.com/2010/08/20/three-reasons-the-ground-zero-mosque-debate-makes-no-sense/]